Travels

Human persons do not have root systems. That is to say, we are not trees. Being a tree has its advantages. Trees, when not chopped down by humans or felled by lightning, live very long lives. The verdict is not in, yet, on whether or not trees know that they are trees or that they live much longer, more fulfilling, more useful lives than humans.

Evidence does suggest that humans do not live as rewarding lives as trees. Don't blame me. Blame the evidence. Or, if you are moderately to very wealthy, blame all the poor people. Poor people are like working people, but without as much crippling debt recorded in the ledgers of the banks and governments owned by all the wealthy people. Poor people and working people have bad morals. In that, they are like trees, which just sit there and take life. Moderately to very wealthy people don't just sit there and take it. No, not them. They do things like "grab life by the balls," and "man up," and "seize the horns," and "grab themselves by the bootstraps," oh, and let's not forget, "earn a living."

Lots of living creatures have testicles, colloquial known as "balls." To the best of our knowledge, very few of them respond positively to being molested by wealthy people who are on their way up the ladder of a meritocracy or more traditional hierarchy. Also, that's not really a ladder the rich guys are climbing. Those are human heads they're stepping upon. Anyway. Take note, wealthy people: fondling balls will not make you more money. It is surprising that you have to be told this. If it did make money, you'd be teaching ball-fondling in your schools. Oh, wait. You do. But, you don't call it ball-fondling. You call it football. Or Church. And there is money in it. Just ask Joe Paterno. He made so much money off the ball-fondling supervised by Penn State College he was able to give his wife a half-million dollar home for the nominal transaction fee of a single dollar. She's a lucky gal. But at least she is free of the balls that up and coming wealthy folk are compelled to clutch to prove that they have what it takes to be affluent. The lesson here is that wealthy people cannot be trusted around balls. Or small children.

Come to think of it, all those people and animals who don't have balls should just avoid the rich, as well. Who knows what they'll come up with next, especially when they tire of grabbing living creatures by their scrotums. And their track with regard to ovaries, uteri and vaginas is even worse than their one with the balls. When it comes to ball fondling, they're all like, "Hey dude, I've got to prove I can be one of the rich motherfuckers who just don't give a fuck." 

For the human-like creatures who have lady parts, it's much, much worse. "Don't be a bitch" means "don't lie there and take it."  Alternately, it can convey frustration with unwarranted complaining. You know, like a woman does. Because that's what women do. They complain all them time, while they lie there and take it, and then they do a bunch of labor which very few people are willing to call labor, or remunerate them for, because God (who has balls) and country have decided that this is what women have to do to not be beat about the head and face. Women's work is like a ticket to not being beaten. Only that it isn't. And most people know by now that it doesn't go very far towards preventing rape. But, whatever. The bitch was asking for it.

Hey, at least women aren't treated like kine, anymore. Well, not exactly like kine. That would be going backwards.

Just remember, some girl cows come with horns. Hard, pointy horns.

And what is it with "seizing life by the horns"? Bulls have horns. Goats have horns. Deer and moose have horn-like structures known as antlers. Rhinoceroses sport horns. And elephants, horn-like tusks. Goats are ornery creatures. In fact, goats are so ornery and fickle, the word "capricious" means "goat-like." Goats head-butt, kick and bite. Goats hate fences. Why would anyone want to go around grabbing goats by their fickle, fickle horns? And cows and bulls? How is messing with their heads healthy? Have you seen what a bull does with those horns on a good day? Imagine an angry bull being molested all about the head and horns for the amusement and profit of wealthy people. Fun times, fun times. That's almost as stupid as attempting to wrangle and hog tie a mother rhinoceros in view of her children.

Hey, wait a minute. Poor and working people, I think we've got a thing or two to learn from goats, rhinos and bulls.

Especially the part about them being like super wicked lazy and not earning a living. Those glorious, liberated fuckers. Have you ever seen a rhinoceros key her time code into the machine? I think not. There's no managing her company time. Hell, it's well nigh on impossible to mobilize rhinoceroses into companies in the first place. Something to be said about animals you just can't wrangle.

Wait. Where were we?

Humans. We were discussing humans. That's too bad. An angry mother rhinoceroses charging a rich white dude trying to net her and tie her up so that he can cut off her head and horn to prove he's manly even during his off time is so much more interesting. Especially the part where he gets to explain to his other wealthy companions why they may no longer grab him by the balls, as his testicles now adorn the earthen trophy shrine of a particularly satisfied mother rhinoceros.

But, humans. Humans are not trees. They travel. Moderate to very wealthy humans travel to and around places and locations where there are poor and working people available to wash their clothing, cook their meals, point at paintings, drive them to theaters made famous by the patronage of kings (who are rarely poor) and who generally exist to make life more comfortable for the people who have had enough experience in grabbing balls, seizing horns and shutting up bitches to deserve to be wealthy; this is called tourism. Whew, that was a long sentence. I assure you, I did not need to grab any balls in order to write it.

Humans who are not-wealthy also travel. Their travel is rarely labeled "tourism." Mostly, it goes by the name of "getting by," and it costs them money to do it. It costs them even more money not to do it. Money is like that. "Getting by" is like that.

If you are reading this, and have not yet taken offense at the characterization of your existence as a cavalcade of molestation, head stepping, animal abuse and mistreatment of women, it is more than likely that you belong to the ranks of the not-wealthy. It stands to reason that you find getting from today to tomorrow expensive. Being not-wealthy is like that.

Your travel options are somewhat more limited. When you take a vacation - which word means, to vacate, to flee, to escape - you've probably had to either (a) go in debt to wealthy people, which ends up ruining your memories of your temporary escape, or (b) save up for several years, just in time to have your car break down, the city cancel bus service to your neighborhood, or your boss, who gets to treat you like property whenever you forget to act like an angry lady rhinoceros, inform you that your services are no longer needed.

Most travel by the not-wealthy is survival related, and involves going from points A or B, towards some kind of point C, D or E.  Point A is a poorly built structure owned by the bank. A bank is a collection of very, very wealthy people who become even wealthier by making irresponsible decisions with poor and working people's meager earnings. Point B is a poorly built and poorly maintained shelter owned by a renter. A renter is a person or company, often enough a bank or doing business with a bank, which has the legal right, obligation and power to expose you to the elements and keep all your stuff, should you fail to remember that you are neither an angry bull nor a pissed off lady rhino. And should circumstances compel you to mimic the capriciousness of goats, perhaps by choosing to feed yourself or your children before tithing your tribute to the renter or the bank, they may ask the law to put its formal seal of approval upon their efforts to immisersate you entirely, before exposing you to the elements.

Poor and working people, therefore, do a lot of traveling. This kind of travel must never be confused with tourism. When traveling from points A or B, to Point C, a poor person can rarely afford herself the opportunity to hire other poor people to do her laundry. Besides, laundry is woman's work. If a woman is not doing laundry, how will a horn grabbing ball fondler know not to beat her with the straps from his boots?

Many women no longer have the good fortune to be wholly owned chattel who may be married off by their fathers in transactions to secure grazing rights, or business partnerships. This puts them in a precarious position, when traveling. A large number of men, raised up in the schools wealthy people build in order to prepare the next generation of poor and working people, find it next to impossible to properly identity a traveling woman's proprietary markers. This may cause them noticeable distress. They often confuse her liberty of movement with a loss of male patronage. To best express their concern over the poor woman's failure to secure the protections of a man, they will whistle at her in despair, describe her anatomical proportions in a loud and demonstrative fashion, and become visibly distraught at the prospect of her departure from the protective aegis of their fields of vision.

Sometimes, the poor and the working poor, will make it from points A or B, all the way to point C. Point C can be best described as a place where the labor of hundreds and thousands of other poor and working people is devalued in order to sell the output of that labor at a profit. Profit is a process by which wealthy people who have passed the pupal and larval stages of ball grabbing and horn seizing demonstrate to themselves and others that they have earned the ability to brag about making it all on their own in this dangerous, miserable world. This, they call "lifting oneself up by the bootstraps." In brief, bootstrapping involves pretending that the labor of others and the profits skimmed off that labor are in no way connected. For wealthy people who own point B type buildings in which poor people inconveniently store themselves for the winter, inconsiderately depriving the elements of bodies to which cold, snow, wind and rain might be exposed, this is known as taking rent. However you look at it, it's obvious that the poor and the working class deserve what happens to them. They should have figured out how to levitate with their hands around their ankles, already.

Sometimes point C sells food "stuffs." Food "stuffs" do literally that. They fill a body up. Once stuffed, a poor person may be less likely to travel off the reservation, and start acting like a higher animal, preferably one with unseizable horns.  Food "stuffs" need not provide complete nutrition. The wealthy people have written laws which clearly demonstrate that partial nutrition is good enough for the poor and the laboring. The poor do a lot of traveling from points B to C to acquire this stuff. Most of the stuff which is good enough for the not-wealthy refuses to behave like its supposed to be durable, or healthy, or useful over the long term. This is as it should be, the moderate to very wealthy people insist, usually in front of cameras. If they owned companies which produced healthy foods and durable clothing for people who refused to levitate whilst clutching at boots, where would all the jobs go? And then what would the poor do for work? And how would the wealthy be able to afford to have companies which provide the poor with sort-of nutrition, and almost-clothing? The not-wealthy can be very unreasonable. They have even reduced themselves to taking - just reaching out and grasping at, like pushy goats or other dirty animals, such as monkeys - the healthy food and durable goods intended for the moderate to very wealthy. The gall of those people. If the moderately to very wealthy don't live more fully human lives, and get to do tourism traveling a minimum of four times a year, how will they elevate their spirits high enough to keep all the poor and the workers in jobs? Have you thought about that, poor people? Do you have any compassion? Or does your failure to earn self-esteem along with your living make you not only prone to criminality, poor taste in dress, bad eating habits and terrible choices in living arrangements, but also to immorality?

Still, the ingrates do need the basics.

Sometimes a point C distributes clothing and household items to the poor and the laboring, for a nominal usage fee equal to a completely reasonable one quarter of yearly earnings. Often, it's cheap distractions, or the means to receive them in one's own (that is, the renter's or the bank's) home, which the wealthy advertise as new and exciting entertainment. These distractions often include stories about wealthy people who travel and have great adventures where all the poor brown foreigners are grateful to serve them and learn civilization from their betters. Often, in these stories, wealthy people own companies so that the poor can have the self-respect of a good job. Sometimes they're about wealthy people who solve crimes and protect all the good, hard working, decent poor people from other poor people who have forgotten that they are not horn'd beasts with cause to smash about in china shops. For special circumstances, on Wednesday nights for example, the viewers of distractions are treated to a serialized tale of well educated wealthy people who are tolerant of their equally well-educated, articulate, property owning black and homosexual neighbors. And during the daytime, there are stories about dashing and/or pretty wealthy people who have exciting and fulfilling love loves, or animated heroes who would never think of breaking the law, farting in polite company, or pushing the jefe off a cliff towards a well earned end.

Speaking of the endings tales and travels, we approach our own.

Just remember, when you are out there, traveling from your points A or B, to your points C and so on, you might encounter one of these:

...especially if you've taken to the illegal and disreputable notion that being human sometimes requires a body to act like it has horns. This (above) is an LRAD device. It is used for "crowd control." "Crowd control" is another way of saying, "preventing people from getting together and acting like they are beasts with horns, tusks, antlers and a reason to use them; or dispersing those who have already gathered." The LRAD works by producing high decibel sounds which cause pain, harm to your ears and disorientation. Their purpose is make it uncomfortable to be near to or around them. Three city blocks is too close for comfort, when it comes to LRADs. The LRAD has a long range of effect. Many police departments now have LRADs.

LRADs are cutting edge technology. Unfortunately for the producers of these perfectly civilized "crowd control" devices, earplugs effectively render them useless. The average cost for a pair of reusable earplugs is $5. Sound neutralizing ear muffs may cost as much as $14. Sometimes they can be found just lying around on the shelves in stores staffed by disgruntled employees. Disgruntled employees often appreciate a hot meal on a cold day.

And if you do happen to have to travel from the bank or your rental company's property to your employer's property, take care when passing through areas peopled by persons who insist on living lives which are actually worth living. The police are paid to take notice. Sometimes those police arrive equipped with LRADs. Just as often, they show up bearing other gifts. These armed and dangerous magi may employ "riot control agents":

...the most common of which is "tear gas." Tear gas is not a vomiting agent. Vomiting agents in "higher concentrations" cause vomiting, nausea and "malaise." Unlike tear gas, they do not cause skin irritation. For travelers who do not have the good fortune to belong to a society for the promotion ball fondling, one recommendation is to carry your earplugs in a bandanna, or in a free for the taking cough mask provided by nearly every hospital or doctor's office from Boston to San Francisco. Tear gas, mace and pepper spray do cause skin irritation, and in combination with vomiting agents, can lead to the unfortunate early demises of persons gathered together in a confined space for long periods of time, but who are prevented from leaving by virtue of being surrounded by peace officers in closed or combative riot control echelons and phalanxes:

"...When a [gathering of people who should be at work, or shopping for crocs, and therefore deserve whatever happens to them] is in full swing, police will deploy in a square formation with a command team at the center. The command team is protected on all four sides by echelons of troops deployed in groups of 10 or 12 officers. There is also an arrest team at the center of the square.

This tactical unit is very mobile and able to adapt on the fly to changes in the situation. If a threat suddenly appears behind or to one side of the unit, then the echelon facing that direction is designated the front of the unit. The entire team can then change the direction it's facing without a lot of maneuvering. Also, the echelons can cover each other when the team moves to take advanced positions. If the unit is under attack, the whole team does not move together: One echelon moves while the others provide covering fire or an actual physical screen (with riot shields). Then another echelon moves up into position.

The echelon is not meant to be an impenetrable wall of cop. In fact, the riot squad often leaves an escape route to let rioters run past the squad. The officers can adopt a passive position, in which they spread out and leave several yards between each officer. The crowd can then easily filter through them. If a particularly violent group moves toward the officers or they spot specific suspects they want to arrest, they can quickly close the gaps and form a tight line.

As the unit moves forward into a crowd, it will prod and push at anyone who doesn't [exhibit proper submission and obeisance postures] by the time the front echelon reaches them. If they still refuse to move, the unit continues moving forward, but the front echelon opens up and passes around the protestors. Once the protestors are inside the square, the unit stops, the front echelon reforms and the arrest team processes the rioters. When they're done, the unit can continue moving."

Sometimes, these peace legions of the homeland will not be able to hear each other. Or, for reasons both mysterious and re-searchable on the as of yet uncensored internet, they will find their radio transmissions disrupted, and will need to use a series of fairly universal hand gestures, to coordinate the deployment of their peace and safety cohorts of justice:

Whatever the destination, even a not-wealthy traveler, especially one who has no interest in tourism, can with the minimum of expense enhance his or her experience while simultaneously undertaking a journey the tale of which will be far better than any mere distraction.




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