The Guilty Always Glow

So, leave it to bonny Britain to pioneer some new policestatist nastiness:

"...That gadget was a SelectaDNA Spray -- a canister loaded with a harmless solution containing synthetic DNA. If a criminal attempts to burgle a premises fitted with the device, an employee can hit a panic button that alerts police to a crime in progress and simultaneously shoots out a fine mist covering everyone in the room, including the robber. And as each batch of the spray -- which glows blue under ultraviolet light -- has a unique DNA signature, police can connect the robber to the scene of the crime. 

Criminally minded readers might now be thinking, "Well, if I robbed a shop, I'd just scrub myself clean when I got home." But as Andrew Knights, managing director of SelectaDNA, explains, the solution isn't so easy to remove. "It will come off within a number of hand washes," he told AOL News. "But if you run through a spray it'll accumulate on the inside of your nostrils and ears and under the fingernails; areas that are difficult to get off." And, he notes, if a criminal doesn't have an ultraviolet light, he won't know where the liquid is lurking."

Provided by a private security firm, through the police, to businesses.

But, worry not, you civil libertarian gadflies. No government will abuse this. Because, if you've nothing to hide, you won't glow with guilt.

When you, for example, pass through the airport. Or just have a run in with the cops:

"...Knights says the sprays can reduce crime levels, but he admits the unique DNA evidence they offer has yet to be used in a prosecution.

That's not a sign of failure, though. If a suspect is scanned with a UV light at a police station (almost everyone arrested in the U.K now undergoes this procedure, no matter what crime the person is suspected of) and starts to glow, he says, "They'll generally plead guilty. The criminal knows it's better to make a plea bargain, rather than annoy the police even further by forcing them to go through the DNA testing."

That's exactly what happened when an 18-year-old burglar from the town of Rawtenstall -- some 20 miles east of Preston in northwestern England -- was hauled in for questioning last month. When he walked under a UV light at the station, his arms started to shine, explains Police Constable Phil Buck, a crime-prevention coordinator in the northern English county of Lancashire. The young offender picked up the glow when he broke into a garden center whose roof had been smeared in another crime-fighting substance: SelectaDNA Gel. "He held up his brightly glowing hands and confessed," says Buck, adding that the teen admitted breaking into the gardening store three times..."

So, get this. Only the guilty suffer determent. Only the guilty go to hell. Only the guilty glow like they belong there.

One could simply not conceive of a situation where the police start buying this shit up - say in lawn order obsessed "Middle America," or along the Mexican border, or wherever middle class white Christians especially fear their employees - and spraying crowds of people who gather to make the sort of trouble crowds make.

You know, to haul them in later and shine the Guilt Detector on them, up their noses, around their eyes, and in their ears.

Wouldn't happen here. Couldn't happen here.*


* - rule does not apply to black men; rule never applies to black men...

...if some professional liberal or managerial moderate insists that an abuse could not occur, what what, cuzza the rulahlaw, or good government, I immediately begin to operate on the assumption that someone has already begun using it against black men; if some militia nazoid insists that the vasty vast liberal conspiracy to impose capitalist socialism on all the godsfolk in the hills of Montana, or the swamps of Mississippi, is right this moment planning to do some evil, nasty thing to those saidsame godsfolk - count on them (a) wishing they could do it to black people and (b) already possessing a history of doing it to black people.