Dialogue-Ish

Republicans: Government is too big! For shame! Do not give money to the old, to the poor, to women who have abortions! Do not give it to irresponsible black people. We. Must. Save. America. From. The. Shifty. Grifters! Hard work! The rich create life for everyone else! Jesus! Jesus!

Democrats: Now, now, Reppy - that's not quite fair. The elderly and the melanin rich are reliable constituencies, and we really need to make sure that we sell their abandonment to them responsibly. Times are tough, and as long as we're willing to share some sacrifice with them, theoretically of course, we can keep on pretending that the whole business of running a federal government isn't and hasn't from day one been a pyramid scheme to enrich ourselves. You are just too crass, Reppy. You need to work on your optics. Okay, okay - don't work on them. You're perfect just the way you are. We look so civilized and reasonable when you're throwing Christer tantrums about abortion and Teh Gays.  But we want the same things, don't we? So please, maybe a little less about black people. They can be touchy.

War profiteers: You guys aren't gonna mess with the war budget, right?

Republicans and Democrats, together: Of course not, silly. And don't worry about the people making a stink. We've got them hating each other over artificial division so much that each of them has a college department these days.

War profiteers: Phew. With all this talk of shared sacrifice and fiscal responsibility, y'know, you had us worried for a moment.

Bankers: Heads up, guys. We made a whole lot of loot off of that two year manufactured crisis. Some of the peasants seem to be catching on. Could we get some action in Venezuela, or something?

Democrats: Christ, dudes, you know the schedule. That has to wait until a Republican gets elected. Make a flashy commercial about Hamilton and citizenship or something. Go sponsor a greenwash, man.

Republicans: Why the fuck didn't Bog make a remote control for the uterus?!